We have created a myth that boundaries limit us from living. With instant messaging and social media at our fingertips 24/7, we have developed a culture that expects everyone to be available instantaneously.  

To be an efficient employee, a good parent, an attentive romantic partner, and a trusting friend, we are fed the belief that we have to be at their beck and call at all times. This idea is unhealthy, unsustainable, and unrealistic. And for a person in addiction recovery, this culture can be detrimental to their wellbeing. Setting boundaries is essential to maintaining healthy relationships in recovery.  

Why boundaries are important in recovery 

Boundaries project your values and expectations on a big screen for all to see. They allow you to express yourself and are the foundation for creating lasting relationships in your recovery. Your recovery must come above everything else. To do that, you have to define boundaries with your loved ones and yourself.  

First, you need to understand what you need to be successful and happy in your recovery. Take some time to reflect on all your relationships. Work relationships, family, friends, romantic relationships, and most importantly, your relationship with yourself. By taking this time you can design healthy boundaries that will help you maintain your recovery.  

Tips to setting boundaries in recovery 

Know your values behind your boundaries 

It could be honesty, authenticity, kindness, openness, or something else. By asking yourself these questions, you will get to know what kinds of boundaries you will need to stay true to yourself. This can take some time to do. You may want to take some online quizzes or dedicate time to write it all out. This will help you truly get to know yourself and learn what your needs are.  

Directly communicate your intentions 

Not everyone has the same expectations, so know that your boundaries won’t make sense to everyone. If you don’t communicate your needs, the people around you will not fulfill them. No matter how well the other person knows you, they aren’t mind-readers. Be direct about what you expect but remember to be kind.   

Go with what feels right 

We tend to overthink things. When our minds start working overtime it can blur what we truly want. The key is to take everything inward and listen to your body. Your mind can play tricks on you but your body will always guide you.  

“Your body is telling you what direction life is in. Try trusting it. Turn away from what feels cold. Go toward what feels warm.” 

-Glennon Doyle, “Untamed”  

Have a support system in place 

Setting boundaries can be challenging. If you feel like you are struggling to commit to your boundaries it may be time to reach out for support. You could talk to a therapist, a counsellor, or a loved one who you know you can depend on. Having a support system will keep your boundaries in check and will motivate you to stay true to yourself.  

Curious about how you can set healthy boundaries in your recovery? Join our warm and welcoming community of like-minded women to get the support you need. We have a variety of free resources such as recovery meetings, counselling, and online workshops.